Suicidal

Freedom

At only 19, I have been through a lot in my life and have dealt with so many issues. Even though I’m not perfect now, I have found ways to help me deal and have overcome everything that I have been through. When I was younger, I was never really accepted by anyone, school, family, anything. I just have always felt as though I didn’t belong. 


To add to the sense of not belonging, my parents split up.  For about a year after that, my cousin was sexually abusing/raping me. I never felt connected enough to my parents or family to tell anyone, fearing that they wouldn’t believe me. Therefore, I kept all of this pain inside making me feel as though I was messed up, dealing with depression, anger, bitterness and hurt. I was always looking for happiness and a way out of the dark hole I was in. I started hurting myself because I just felt a sadness that would never go away. I was never liked by anyone, so I tried changing my physical appearance, by becoming prettier and “acceptable.” 

from Survivor911

Hindsight is a mean creature. Imagine the lives that could be saved, if we knew today what we will find out tomorrow. Suicide stole a friend of mine. As cliché as it sounds…suicide really did steal a piece of everyone who knew him that day.

I’m 20, and I’m sitting at a friend’s funeral. I didn’t think this was coming for another 50 years. Ten days earlier, we’d been chatting away, making plans to catch up. The next day, he took his life. He didn’t seem himself the weekend before he did it. I knew he wasn’t happy and we were worried. I asked him if he was going to “do something silly” but he said he “was fine,” so I assumed he was. I spoke to him the next day and he said he was great, and we organized to go to a football game the next week.